Skewster

Worthy of mention is the growing ‘apreciation society’ on Facebook for Iris Robinson’s former toyboy Kirk McCambley.

The 21 year-old, a Roman Catholic cafe owner, was named as the young lover of Mrs Robinson during a BBC documentary , which went on to make a series of allegations about her financial dealings.

Within hours of the documentary airing on the BBC, almost 2,000 people had joined a group, the Kirk McCambley Appreciation Society , on the social networking site.

via The Telegraph

More people gobsmacked that McCambley is apparently a Roman Catholic. A love lust that transcended age, the sanctity of marriage and the ginormous Northern Irish religious divide. Some wag quipped: she was reaching out to the Catholic community…

I’m going to break with a very long retirement to laugh out loud at Iris Robinson. Actually, I’m not really laughing out loud at her, it’s a pretty horrible situation to be stuck in the middle of… The silly old girl went and had an ‘innappropriate relationship‘ with a much younger man (read: ~40 years her junior), and cleverly managed to wrap up a whole lot of financial irregularity into the whole affair. More on the whole sordid scandal at Slugger O’Toole.

In the first instance – congratulations to Iris on having a rather sexually liberating affair, after living what must have been an awful sham of a repressed conservative Christian lifestyle. Sometimes a woman just needs to loosen up a little. And bravo on the efficiency of hitting the ‘sex scandal’ and ‘financial scandal’ targets with just one stone. That’s the kind of councillor you want in your area – someone who can pull strings and get our young folk set up in business. Even if it is just young folk we happen to be straddling

Note: If you’re not familiar with Iris Robinson, she’s the wife of Northern Ireland’s First Minister, Peter Robinson. Together, they form the ultimate Unionist power couple. Or did. They espoused a conservative Christian/hardline Unionist outlook that certain cliched corners of Northern Irish culture love (partly because they have no imagination, partly because most of ‘em are over 60). Until recently, she was most famous for telling the world that “gays are an abomination” and recommending a psychiatrist who”d talk them out of their filthy ways.

Wait 'til I get my hands on that b*****d...

Part of me feels a little sorry for her. She did try to kill herself. Her husband did just go on out to work as usual that day.

But then part of me thinks – why not? Let’s not try and wrap this up in outdated Christian blech about forgiveness and human frailty. This is a woman who publicly denounced gays as abominations. I don’t even wnat to know what her position on evolution is, or whether she’s a fully subscribed fan of Leviticus.

Or maybe the mental illness made her come out and make her anti-homosexual proclaimation? Maybe we should just ignore everything she’s ever said publically?

For me, this should be the final nail in the coffin of the DUP and those stupid, traditionalist Unionist movements. They’re corrupt to the core. This just proves it. How many scandals has Ian “walking liability” Paisley Jr been involved in? What about Sammy Wilson? Now Iris and Peter are up to their immaculately exfoliated necks in shit. It’s either endearingly human of them to err in this way, or it’s out-and-out corrupt. You decide.

The only thing to worry about is what effect destroying Peter Robinson’s political career will have on Northern Ireland. For all the Assembly’s ineffectiveness, handing it over to someone else within the DUP or the dusty old Ulster Unionists might be as big a mistake as sticking with Peter.

But at the end of the day, this is what you get when you elect a bunch of dusty, bible-bashing pricks into government: they feel they can lecture you ad-nauseum without having to adhere to their own chosen rule book. And don’t give me a lot of faff about forgiveness when your ‘party’ is a pseudo-religious movement well-known for holding everybody else’s sins to account.

This is why I’ve always had a problem with the established political order in Northern Ireland – they think they can get away with murder.

Well, I couldn’t let this week pass without some comment on the restoration of the Assembley.

Is this the beginning of a bright new future for Northern Ireland? That was the burning question yesterday. It’s really too early to tell, but surely the signs are hopeful?

I’m not sure what to make of Ian Paisley in the role of First Minister. Let’s face it, the man made his career out of opposing whoever held this (or equivalent) role in the past. In bringing down just about every ‘moderate’ attempt at peaceful governance, Paisley was the anarchist, the mixer, the organ grinder. He effortlessly roused the passions of paranoid Protestants in bigotted tirades against Catholics/Nationalist or anybody who looked at him squinty.

And now he’s the head honcho?

Over the last few years, The Reverend Paisley has had plenty to say about the IRA and Sinn Fein gaining the trust of the people. Today, Ian Paisley still has a long way to go before he has my trust. Too many stunts, posturing and double-speak from Paisley have left me rightly suspicious of his intentions for this Assembley.

My hope for the future is that Paisley decommissions his bigotted rhetoric the same way the IRA put their weapons away. Is it too vain to hope that he has seen the damage he has done to Northern Ireland and that in this late stage of his career (and life) he wants to finally be a force for change?

I hope so. Peace be with you, people…

Right, imagine you were approached by a friend or colleague and asked to recommend a good Northern Irish political blog….

Who would you recommend?

I’ve lamented the state of the Northern Irish blogosphere a while back, and now that I’m starting to get back into the flow of things I’d like to update my reading list. Damien Mulley pulled out a good list of Irish political blogs late last year.

I’d like to see something similar for Northern Ireland specifically. Roll up your sleeves, and help me out with your suggestions in the comments below!

You know, there’s been a big hole in the political satire market since Newton Emerson hung up his boots for a semi-respectable career as a journalist. Thankfully, he’s done the decent thing and bundled the last couple of years worth of material into a book (did someone say “cash-in?”), The Last of the Portadown News.

The Portadown News was one of those sites that literally had me in stitches laughing. I’d check the site each week for new material, and within 5 or 10 minutes, I’d be getting told to shut up and stop laughing to myself.

Whatever you think of Newton Emerson, he’s got a sharp wit that cuts straight through all the bullshit and political rhetoric that gets spun around here. He can expose a double-standard in his sleep.

Anyway, I got a copy of The Last of the Portadown News for Christmas this year. Needless to say, I was doubled over laughing yet again. I know this is juvenile, but the names of the reporters really got me started (Billy Shootspatrick, Reg Empty, etc) to the point where I wondered if Emerson’s own name wasn’t made up (Newtown-emerson, anyone? No?).

Anyway, despite the fact that it’s freely available online, get yourself a copy! You never know when they’ll pull the plug for good.

As many of you know, I’m in the process of looking for a new job. I’m currently breaking out in blotches at the sight of application forms and trying to ‘tweak’ my history to fit the job I’m applying for.

Anyway, I’ve been filling out another application form this evening, and the Equal Opportunities/Fair Employment declaration has me cornered from all sides. Basically I’ve got to get off the damn fence and identify myself as a Protestant or a Catholic.

First off, I’ve got to choose from five different shades of white. Of the two that are applicable, I’m either Irish White or British White. Right, I can understand racial profiling to a degree, but isn’t that splitting hairs a bit too much?

So, on the basis of technically being a UK resident, I choose British White. But it doesn’t feel right. Nor does Irish White for that matter. They’re both…well, they’re both a bit foreign….

Anyway, on to the old question of religion. Am I a Prod or a Taig? Neither, I answer with confidence, having shrugged off the God factor a long time ago.

But wait! What’s this extra question? They want to know what primary school I went to? For God’s sake leave me alone! I just want to be an ordinary white (Northern Irish White, thank you) athiest bloke. Why do they want to bring my primary school into it?

So, even though I’ve tried my best to be good ol’ neutral me, this form is insisting I take a side. I don’t want to take a damn side, I’ve avoided it all my life so far! Well, Saint Patrick’s Primary School might be a bit of a give away, but what choice do I have?

Anyone else think Irish White/British White is a step too far in the campaign for equality of employment?

A few months ago I posted about a fantastic website I had just came across called BookCrossing.

I have finally managed to register some books, and I now intend to release them into the wild.

The only problem is, I don’t know where to leave them. I live in Crumlin, but doubt that anyone around here bookcrosses. I see that someone else realeased one at Junction One, but it has yet to be claimed, so I have ruled that out.

I could get Mr Levee to release them in Belfast after work, but where should he leave them? I know that a few bookcrossers read the blog (Norah, Cybez and Jimmy Porter thats you!) so I would be grateful for any tips or suggestions you may have.

A few trips through Belfast recently have taken me up the Shankill Road, and I wanted to share these thoughts with you.

Firstly, I like the Shankill Road. I can’t stress this enough. Along with the Falls Road, the Shankill has been at the epicenter of Northern Irish news and politics for many years. There’s no doubt that the Shankill Road harbours a colourful (deadly? murderous?) array of paramilitary characters, but aren’t there aggressors on all sides of our conflict?

A few weeks ago, as I was passing through the Shankill, I had to smile when I realised that the vast majority of shop fronts and buildings along the way were painted some combination of red, white or blue. I chuckled to myself: was this accidental or by design?

In the intervening weeks, the Shankill Road has been decorated from top to bottom with Union Flags and bunting and banners on every lamppost, supported by local orange lodges and businesses. The thing is, it’s a bit much. Looking up or down the road, your view is hazed by Union Flag bunting, like an Impressionist panting done by a Loyalist! Comes across as a wee bit insecure, if you ask me.

From Belfast City Centre to the Woodvale Road

As you come up the Shankill Road (from the City Centre), there is a lot of dereliction to deal with. You get that a lot around interface areas – no man’s land.

However, in the last seven days, a portion of waste ground on the lower Shankill has been fenced off. It looks like there’s some construction work about to begin.

Further up the road, the 12th of July is being built. Instead of the usual “Dump Wood Here” sign, a board cockily announces “Carlsberg don’t do bonfires, but if they did this would be the best!“. The structure is massive – that’s going to be some inferno when they light it.

As you pass the traffic lights up the road, you’re entering UVF territory (note the PUP office on the right-hand-side past the junction). The Shankill (like the Falls) is still the bastion of local businesses, and like its Nationalist counterpart is a bustling, busy community. I’ll always maintain these people have much more in common than they’ll ever admit – those steely, hardened faces are pure Belfast…

Pass The Rex bar on the right, marked by serious Loyalist murals – it was the scene of a Loyalist turf war a few years ago. I saw some tourists taking pictures last week (and I wonder if they visisted the bar for a drink, did they get served?). On up the road, there are some posters where waste ground has been fenced off. I must stop there someday to read them.

Stream of Consciousness

Sorry if that was a bit muddled, but I have conflicted impressions of the Shankill. On one hand, it’s the ‘home’ of mindless Loyalism (don’t start me on the cock-eyed portrait of the Queen Mother!), but on the other, the people of the area have come through their own Troubles, coupled with the decline of many local trades. Nothing has risen to take the place of those trades, and the area has fallen into decline, the people represented badly by the mainstream Unionist parties.

We talked quite a bit last year about Protestant/Unionist disenfranchisement. Well, the Shankill’s not that bad, as far as I can see. What it’s really crying out for is to have the paramilitary element removed. How can kids on the Shankill grow up normally when they have gang wars and ‘brigadiers of bling’ on their doorstep? They need and deserve something better, but no-one’s there to give it to them.

Regardless, everyday life continues as normal on the Shankill Road, just like everywhere else…

OK, I haven’t technically sorted out the long-running Parades issue just yet, but I think I’ve got a viable blueprint, provided the communities in question have the leadership and resolve to pull it off.

So, Let’s Work Out The Grievances

The Orange Order are the parading Kings (and Queens) of Northern Ireland. They organise more expeditions per year than your local hiking group and are generally well-attended by certain sections of the community.

These Parades don’t exactly knock the socks off some Nationalist residents, who steadfastly refuse to allow parades to pass through ‘their’ areas. And no wonder. We only have to look to the violence on the Springfield Road last year when marchers were denied access to the Whiterock. Would you want those yahoos ripping tiles off your roof and smashing up your car?

But then, is it possible that Nationalists are provoked into reacting by their local resident’s groups? I mean, if managed properly how long would a parade take to pass through the area? An hour, two at most. Better still, instead of pretending to be prisoners in your own home, come out and support the parade because you can. If you must get caught up in symbolism, let it be positive.

Right, are you with me so far? In summary: Orange Order – your entourage is carrying too much riff raff. Nationalist residents – you’re getting too shirty about a parade that’ll have passed in an hour.

The Spirit Of Reconciliation

OK. Swallow hard people, this is where we have to accommodate.

Orange Order & Guests: Leave the rabble behind. It may be the Queen’s highway, but this is a bridge building exercise. If anyone on the day looks like they’re geared for trouble, tell them to watch the parade via BBC1 or meet you down the Kneebreakers later. Likewise, anyone with terrorist connections should probably stay at home too.

The people of the Nationalist area you are proposing to walk through aren’t thrilled about the music. Perhaps an appropriate silence as you pass through would be a fitting mark of respect.

On the plus side, if all goes well this year, next year’s parade will be a doddle to organise and we might not need the Parades Commission to intervene.

Nationalist Residents: You are inviting the Protestant people into your area under friendly terms. Don’t underestimate the significance of this.

I’d like to see a welcoming gesture at the interface, with a selection of members of the community greeting the parade as it begins to pass through. Perhaps a banner celebrating the occasion and welcoming the parade through and an appropriate photo op handshake between the leader of the parade and one of the residents.

To come back to the issue of disenfranchisement from September, it might show that the two areas aren’t all that different. It might show Protestants that West Belfast Catholics live much the same way and have similar lifestyles. It’s not Beverley Hills on the Falls Road compared with Ethiopia on the Shankill!

A Model For The Future?

Am I being stunningly naive as usual? Are both parties so consumed by bigotry that they don’t want a solution to this? Or are they simply allowing themselves to be stirred up by their ‘community leaders’?

Not to blow my own trumpet, but I think this is a fine model for peaceful parades in Northern Ireland. On both sides.

No-one can ‘win’ the parades issue. It is something that recurrs every year and isn’t likely to stop. The best that everybody can hope for is a peaceful compromise.

Spurred on by Matthew Ingram’s post on blogs affecting politics (and society), I’m wondering to what extent local (Northern Irish) bloggers can challenge traditional preconceptions in our wider society.

That was a long sentence! What I mean is, can blogs like Slugger encourage a wider variety of debate than what we’re exposed to when it’s just one-way propaganda from the party press office?

I specifically mention Slugger O’Toole, because Mick Fealty and the team have done a fantastic job of creating an open forum for debate. In fact, a few people (who don’t know about my double life as Levee) have recommended Slugger to me. They’re always enthusiastic. Many can see from the comments how regressive the ‘old’ attitudes are, and biggoted commentary exposes the futility of the traditional stances (my opinion).

There are other sites which impress me due to their seeming desire to explore new avenues. For instance, Big Ulsterman regularly challenges traditional ideologies by putting forward an alternative viewpoint and trying to reconcile ‘his’ culture and background with Nationalism and (to a lesser degree) Catholicism. He too, appears tired of politics here running around in circles with nothing ever being resolved and rarely ends a post without suggesting something Big that his subject might undertake.

Can Northern Irish Bloggers Make A Difference?

Over to you. Can those of us who blog on politics here make a difference? Is our audience wide enough to make a dent in the old school? What was your motivation for starting a blog in the first place (assuming you have one)?

Update: Slugger has recently run a more detailed commentary on this subject. Worth a read.