Because eight arms are better than two –
It just reminds me of that line in Dirty Dancing – “Spaghetti arms…this is my dance space, this is your dance space.” Except it ends with Swayze and Grey rolling around on the floor…
Tagged: Sex RSS
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Gerrybot
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Gerrybot
Teaching the other half a lesson…
Gender stereotypes are the source of a ton of great jokes. Here’s a post with some fictional courses each gender could run for the other:
Men could teach women…
- 101 – Avoiding Walking in Front of the TV
- 102 - Doing Housework Without Complaining
- 103 - Shopping: Buying What You Can Afford, Not What You Can Charge
- 104 - Going to The Washroom Alone (formerly Coping Without My Friends)
- 105 - Understanding the Male Response to “Do I Look OK?”
- 106 - Exercise: How it Keeps You from Looking Like Your Mother
- 107 – Learning How to Initiate Intimacy
- 117 – Honest, You Don’t Look Like Kim Bassinger – But You’re Acceptable
If you want to read the full list, go here!
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Levee
Amsterdam
OK, so I went a bit quiet after my vasectomy a few weeks ago. Rumours of my demise were greatly exaggerated (thanks Aileen and Parnell) and I’m still standing.
It’s actually been a busy few weeks, so me and my sore plums just had to keep on moving with little time to rest. Most notably we were shipped to Amsterdam for a couple of days courtesy of the sister-in-law.
My reactions to Amsterdam are mixed. As a red-blooded guy, the legends of the Red Light District and the er…liberal attitudes appealed to me. On the flight across, we read about how the legalisation of the area had led to a safer place for punters and prostitutes alike.
I wondered how this would play out in real life, and was disappointed to discover a seedy dive with crowds of youths lingering around the area – not at all the enlightened sexual mecca I’d been imagining! Think Gresham Street in Belfast with a few sex shows thrown in for good measure.
Now, believe it or not, I didn’t understand the reason behind the name “Red Light Area” until last week. If you’re a greenhorn like me, read on:
Basically, as you walk through the area, you’ll see buildings with red neon lights in the windows. And in each window, provocatively dressed babes try and tempt you in for a bit of paid-for nookie. Now, in fairness to them, (most) were very good looking girls, not the clapped-out hags you might expect to see Wayne Rooney ‘knocking’ around with.
Mrs L was surprised too, and indulged a spot of me eyeing up hookers for about five minutes. It’s one thing looking at semi-nude babes in a magazine, but hard to ogle when they’re staring right back at you.
Anyway, stray away from the red light bits and Amsterdam’s quite a nice place. Walking down the main thoroughfares with all their gift shops reminded me of O’Connell Street, but with dope and sex motifs instead of shamrocks and leprechauns! Restaurants were of generally good quality and we ate well for reasonable prices.
So there you go, nothing sinister happened, thanks for your concern! I’ll try and dig out some of the photos we managed to take later on.
Levee
Shooting Blanks
Well lads and lassies, as of this Friday, my baby-making equipment will be put absolutely and verifiably beyond use.
Sinn Fein are calling my act of decommissioning an historic event in Irish history, while the DUP are typically cynical of the move and want to watch every last ounce (ewww) be deposited in a concrete bunker. Pervs.
Anyway, I got a call to tell me that there’s been a cancellation, asking if I wanted to come in for the vasectomy on Friday. “Absolutely” said I, with glee.
People I speak to about the vasectomy usually wince and act like it’s something to be afraid of, but personally I’m looking forward to it! Until now, the equation went:
Unprotected Sex = Good times + Chance of babies
In a few short months, unprotected sex will only mean “Good Times”. Well, hopefully…
The only bizarre concern that I have is if it’ll alter me in any way. I’d hate to get the operation and find that my libido takes a nose-dive! Other than that, bring it on. A weekend of pain for a lifetime of shagging without Johnny Rubbers!
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Parnell
Hope it all goes well Mr Levee. Another Hughely Significant, Seismic, Historic, Courageous, Momentous and Unprecedented Decision but verification is not essential.
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B.U.
I’m very sorry, Levee, but without pictures of the decommissioning …
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Mr. Levee
BU: I could publish a picture of a badly bruised willy, but that would be risking my remaining two readers! I’ll leave it to your imagination.
aileen 12:10 am on December 5, 2006 Permalink
Relieved to have you back Mr L
)
Parnell 11:18 pm on December 5, 2006 Permalink
Yea, Good to have you back. Hope you and Mrs.Levee enjoyed the well deserved break.
aileen 9:44 pm on December 6, 2006 Permalink
Headline
Mr Levee has a vascetomy and then head for the redlight district!
Is that an advert for the clinic?
Mr. Levee 9:10 pm on December 13, 2006 Permalink
Yes, testing out your new todger is very important after a vasectomy!
Actually, the pain is only now going away properly. I’ll spare you the gory details!
aileen 10:00 pm on December 15, 2006 Permalink
OMG Mr Levvee I thought that you were just having a vasectomy, not that you were getting a new one!!!!
Glad to hear your in the mend so to speak and yes the gory details are need-to-know basis
A friend of a friend had the same thing [although I think he kept his origonal todger ;o) ] and when asked by the dr how he was asked if he could take away the pain but leave the swelling!
I’ll get my coat!
El Matador 10:46 pm on December 17, 2006 Permalink
Mr. Levee-
Are you saying you ‘tested it out’ in the red light district?!
Mr. Levee 9:25 pm on December 18, 2006 Permalink
Nope, too painful. We had to run for a train at one point and the resulting ‘movement’ nearly crippled me. It was liked being kicked in the crotch repeatedly…every single step.
Anyway, enough whining, all better now!