Unhappy People Living Unhappy Lives

Mrs Levee and I know (more than our fair share of) miserable people. People who feel they are downtrodden, that the world is against them in every conceivable way. People who simply don’t enjoy life. Nothing ever goes right for them, people talk behind their backs, they’re always ill with something or other. They’re incapable of caring about anything other than their own problems, such is their self-involvement.

I find one of the common characteristics of these depressing, misguided creatures is the sheer chaos that defines their mental processes. So disorganised are their thoughts that they can only concentrate on the problem, rather than considering solutions. And so they seek solace in spilling out their problems to everyone they meet, accepting short-term sympathy instead of seeking a positive fix.

Been There, Got Over It!

I’m not disparaging these people, I know what I’m talking about! I went through a period a few years ago where I was terribly dissatisfied with my life and what I’d achieved. This led to a lot of moaning and grumbling, and I was a complete bear to live with during that time (*sorry Mrs L!).

In recent years, I’ve learned that there’s a lot wrong with modern society, and that the values and pressures of modern life are just not healthy. In realising that, I’ve spent more time seeking what is important in life. Take this quote from The Abundance Site:

A friend of mine once said of his business partner, ?He?s given up his life in the single-minded pursuit of wealth. And now, wealth is all he has. So he obsesses about losing it. Since he never had a life, he has no idea of what to do with his money, even if he had time to enjoy it, which he doesn?t because he?s so accustomed to the treadmill he can?t even imagine getting off. Of course, the beautiful thing about the pursuit of money is that you?ve never got enough. So he keeps on chasing it, simply because he has no idea of what else to do with his life.? Barry Maher

The Abundance Site

The Abundance Site offers some simple, inspirational pearls of wisdom. Sometimes, when you’re blinkered by the trials and tribulations of everyday life, a visit to Chris’ site makes you stop for a minute and reprioritise.

The beauty of The Abundance Site is that it isn’t pushing a way of life on you, but – for me – provides a gentle reminder that the relentless cycle of modern life isn’t necessary and to slow down from time to time and enjoy life.

Update

It’s funny how easy it is to forget these to take a step back. I originally wrote this piece back in October last year, but couldn’t find a slot to post it.

In that time – as regular readers know – I hit difficulties with my job and fell into every one of the symptoms I described above! I believe that I’m overcoming those negative tendencies now, I’ll just have to re-read this post every now and again!

I’ve since discovered Jangly Ganglia, a site by Andrea Schwandt-Arbogast where she aims to post one positive experience per day to remind herself that good things happen every day! It’s a great site, and I’m looking forward to see what Andrea will build there.

I hope this post helps any of you who are in a bit of a funk right now!

Here’s the craic: I work as a manager in Belfast. For the past 5-6 years, I’ve had a full-time assistant helping me run IT in a fairly large, often demanding office. My most recent prodigy handed in his notice just before Christmas – a bad time for seeking out replacement staff.

Regardless of the bad timing, we set out to recruit a replacement pretty sharpish. The market was piss-poor and full of graduate CVs with career shopping lists. “Oh, yes, I’m currently studying for my MCSE, CCNA, Cisco, PhD” Of course, they’re hoping you’ll bankroll the expensive training part of this before they move on to pastures new. Sceptical, Levee? You bet.

Things Get Bad

So, my car is in for servicing on Monday a couple of weeks ago. I decide (as a big important manager) to work from home on this day – after all, I have remote access. So, I arrange for my assistant to come in a bit earlier to cover my hours.

To cut a long story short, my superior went bonkers about not being notified in advance. Bizarre. I’ve done this before and it’s never been a problem. In fact, I can work better without interruptions. But on this day I receive one very nasty email.

So nasty, in fact, that I almost flamed back. But Mrs L pinned me down and sedated me before I had a chance to speak my mind. I don’t know what those injections were, but they worked….

On the Friday, I met with said superior and talked this issue out. Mentioned how offended I’d been. Not just about that, but about a number of things including a salary raise request that was blatantly ignored by the firm last year. Left the meeting and felt relieved that I’d gotten my grievances off my chest. And the boss seemed to acknowledge most of my points and seemed determined to address a number of the issues I raised.

Things Get Worse. Much Worse

The weekend passed, and I trotted into work on Monday morning looking forward to meeting a potential candidate for the assistant’s job. We had the meeting, were impressed with the person we saw, little birds twittered on the office windowsills, and all seemed well. Until after lunchtime.

My boss came into my office to see me straight after lunch with a bombshell – we’ve decided not to hire a replacement, says she. As if this wasn’t going to turn my working life upside down! Do the work of two people? WTF? Think of all the money we’ll save – that’s a substantial saving to the company. Oh yeah? Will I be getting my cut in luncheon vouchers, while my hair is falling out with stress?

The more this sank in, the more traumatised I became, the more questions this raised. I stewed over it all night. So did Mrs L. A revelation like this raises so much uncertainty, not just at work, but for the family life too.

I didn’t realise just how much this was affecting me until I got up the next morning. My jaw was killing me. I knew straight away that I’d been grinding my teeth in my sleep. The good wife confirmed this later on with a phone call. Every morning since, I’ve woken up with a throbbing jaw any pro-boxer would be proud of.

What Next?

Well, as you can see, the stress of this job has been having a wearing effect on me for the last few years. I feel like I’ve aged prematurely! Seriously though, the stress of this situation has actually hit me quite hard and I’m (even now) flittering between bouts of uncontrollable rage at this decision and helplessness and just plain upset.

Anyway, folks, there’s no sense complaining. When you’re stuck in this sort of mire, there’s only one way out, and that’s to move on. I’m not going to stay and fight – there are better opportunities out there and given that the New Year has just begun, maybe it’s time for a good ol’ fresh start. We’ll see.

For now, though, it’s back to the prison tomorrow. Good thing the JobFinder’s out on Fridays! If you’ve made it this far, thanks for listening!

The problem is, this messes up my routine completely. I instantly got sick, and haven’t been feeling on top of things ever since. Being sick with kids is terrible – no exaggeration. Before the kids, I could take the day off and relax, watch a DVD and recover. These days the family steamroller doesn’t stop for sickness, which is depressing because it seems to last forever.

Both the missus and I are at such a low ebb at the moment, and nothing seems to perk us up. We’re permanently tired, it seems and at the moment quite irritable with the children. You know you’re making a mess of it when the kids start getting irritable back at you. Ray, in particular, has been letting us know how frustrated she is with us. It’s hard to admit, but she’s learning that from us.

You’re Not Alone

I found some solidarity this afternoon at The Reign Of Ellen. In particular, she’s tapped into some of the feelings of inadequacy we as parents get from time to time. The fallout from this is apathy (Ellen says laziness), negativity, insecurity and irritability.

I am lazy. Actually I don’t think that’s totally true. I feel like I am busy from morning til night, piddling around on projects and such. That’s not lazy. I’m never sitting around eating bon-bons. However, when it comes to the non-fun stuff (ironing, cooking, cleaning), I lose all my energy. I walk in to the kitchen to make dinner, and my mind goes fuzzy. It just seems like too much effort to think about it. So I don’t. We go get nasty fast food.

This is the Levee household circa December 2005. If I sit down for a moment I will fall asleep. Narcolepsy rules when I’m stressed….

I don’t want to paint a negative picture for people, but this is the sometime reality of parenting. It’s burnout, pure and simple. Some people handle it better than others. It takes me a while to recognise when I’m floundering and actually do something about it. Left to fester, however, this kind of fatigue can develop into really bad parenting habits, and that ain’t good!

Lifting The Spirits

Sometimes the children provide a moment of clarity. I’ll get a spontaneous hug, or maybe a sudden “Love you, Daddy” and the priorities come into sharp focus. Family comes first.

Sometimes you have to sit back and recognise that you’re burning the candle at both ends and you need to slow things down. Get some sleep. Get organised. Eat better – that junk food cycle is a real killer!